Who am I?
& Who is He?

MY CHRISTIAN WALK

I came to the end of myself.

My name is Jon. For as long as I can remember I wondered what life was about, why we are here, and what my purpose was. I knew about God, but knowing about God and knowing Jesus personally are not the same thing.

Between the ages of 11 and 15 I was abused. I grew up carrying fear, confusion, guilt and shame. Through my teens and into adulthood I turned to drugs and other destructive ways of escaping. I also struggled for years with pornography. My life became increasingly centred on trying to numb what was going on inside me.

By my early twenties I was a mess. I felt hopeless. I had anger, shame and little sense of purpose. Eventually I reached a point where I did not want to continue living the way I had been living.

December 2010.

I gave my life to the Lord and was baptised. Around that period I quit the drugs and began turning away from the life I had been living. I remember being in the shower listening to Shout to the Lord and breaking down in tears. I became deeply conscious of my sin and my need for Christ.

It was not a neat or easy beginning. I went through a severe breakdown and a period of intense intrusive thoughts, fear and distress. At the time I did not understand everything that was happening to me. I was placed on psychiatric medication and for months life felt like Groundhog Day.

There were times when I did not want to live anymore. But in the middle of that darkness I began reading the Bible seriously and discovering the God my brother had spoken to me about for years. My understanding of Jesus Christ began to deepen.

The battle did not suddenly disappear.

Becoming a Christian did not make me instantly perfect, nor did every struggle vanish. I still had wounds, habits and consequences to face. Sanctification has been a journey. Some battles took years.

One of those battles was pornography. I cried out to God many times for freedom from it. It was not an overnight story, but Christ continued working in me. I learned that following Jesus means continuing to return to Him, trusting His grace, resisting sin and refusing to build my identity around my failures.

Life has still contained suffering.

I have walked through childhood abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, OCD-type intrusive thoughts, self-harm, lung surgery, addiction, shame and guilt. My son had cancer when he was very young. There have been things I would never have chosen and things I still do not fully understand.

But Christ has remained at the centre. Following Jesus has not meant pretending suffering is easy. It has meant that suffering is no longer the whole story.

Who am I?

For years I allowed labels, failures and things that happened to me to tell me who I was. Christianity changed the question. My identity is not finally determined by my worst day, my past, my suffering or the names other people have given me.

I belong to Jesus Christ.

And who is He?

He is the Son of the living God. He is the One who went to the cross for sinners and rose again. He is the One in whom there is forgiveness, reconciliation with God and eternal life.

He is greater than my past. Greater than sin. Greater than death.